Why Get Married?

by Megan

Since Jason’s and my wedding is coming up in less than two weeks now, I thought it might be interesting to write something about why I think that marriage, in general, is something worthwhile. After all, it might seem that the most rational approach to romantic relationships would be to simply live with someone one loved for as long as living with that person brought joy to one’s life. Then, if the relationship became less valuable over time, one would be free to pursue a more valuable and meaningful one. Further, it seems that a person who is genuinely committed to self-actualization would benefit more from multiple partners over her lifetime because she would gain more opportunities to learn things about herself as the number of people with whom she had lived increased.

A common reason that people decide to get married in the face of these reasons not to do so is that they believe that they are somehow destined to be together; that each of them is “the one” for the other. However, since I don’t believe that there’s anyone out there coming up with little destinies for everyone, I also don’t think that it is impossible that there might be someone somewhere in the world who might make a better spouse for me than Jason, although certainly I think it’s extremely unlikely that I’ll ever meet anyone else who is as right for me as he is. So why am I willing to bind myself for life to just one person?

I think that part of the value of a lifelong commitment to someone one loves is that it transforms life from a solitary journey into a true partnership. Instead of being on her own in the world, a person who is married has someone who will always be there as a source of support, encouragement and challenge, someone with whom she will make the most important decisions of her life and someone with whom she will both celebrate her triumphs and find encouragement when she encounters adversity. As long as the two people in a marriage share the same overall goals in life, they can be each other’s greatest source of strength and achieve more together than they could have achieved alone.

Another part of the value of a lifelong commitment is that there are levels of intimacy that can only be experienced by people who have known each other for many years and who have promised to live out their lives together. Knowing that one’s spouse will be there for life allows one to bare one’s soul in a way that might otherwise be difficult, whether in sexual situations or simply in conversation about one’s greatest wishes and fears. Anyone who chose to have many short-term relationships instead of getting married (or anyone who didn’t have the opportunity to form a good marriage because she never met a suitable person) would never be able to achieve this level of intimacy.

A lifelong commitment is also valuable because it involves a clear decision of what kind of person one is going to be. It is all too easy to float through life, changing one’s mind with the current and never making any real commitments to any ideals. Getting married, however, means committing to the goals and ideals that one shares with one’s spouse, since one has promised to maintain the relationship for life and the relationship would fail without shared goals and ideals. Of course there are cases in which one might realize later that the relationship is based on evil ideals, in which case one would be obligated to do everything possible to convince the other partner in the marriage to change his mind, but it is best to consider the ideals in which one’s marriage is founded carefully before making the commitment in the first place. So, marriage has the additional benefit of involving a choice of a clear direction for one’s life, as well as someone to encourage one in working in that direction.

Of course, the most obvious value of getting married is that it allows me to spend the rest of my days with Jason, which is something that I badly want to do because I am much happier with him than I am without him. Being separated is terrible, and marriage is a way of promising not to ever let that happen. Without the experience of joy in the presence of the person one is marrying, the rest of the value of marriage would obviously be unattainable. In other words, marriage only works if you’re marrying someone you love.

But even if a lifelong commitment is valuable, why does that mean that this commitment has to occur in the form of a public ceremony followed by a big, expensive party? After all, couldn’t Jason and I achieve all of the above values by simply promising to stay together for life one afternoon in our backyard? I think that we probably could achieve most of the value of marriage through a private promise, but I also think that there is additional value in the very publicness of the commitment that we’ll make in front of our friends and family. Our wedding ceremony and the rings we will wear afterward will be our way of telling the world that we are together and we mean it, that the two of us are a family, and that our lives are centered around each other. The people who witness our commitment will hopefully become people who support it when we encounter challenges in our relationship, and anyone who sees us afterward will know by our rings that we are not available. Instead of being a private promise that will be known only to us and those whom we tell, our marriage will be a matter of public record, supported by our government. Rather than being two people who promised fidelity to each other, we will be a legal unit. Having our commitment recognized by our government, those who witness our marriage and everyone we meet afterward will help to strengthen it, thereby increasing the likelihood that we will achieve the values that a successful lifelong commitment can bring.

Amazon's Toys

by Jason

I recently discovered that Amazon.com is now selling sex toys in their "Sexual Wellness" section. They have a surprisingly good selection and, as usual, their prices are good. For example:

For women, they have the famous "Jackrabbit":

For men they have most of the legendary "Aneros" line:

For couples, they have condoms and lube at good prices:

I think it's great that Amazon is now selling sex toys and that this will give people better access to them (especially those who feel awkward shopping for them in person or who do not have sex toy stores in their towns). I also think that it's time that people recognize that sexual pleasure is a necessary part of a human life and that sex toys can be a valuable part of this, whether you are single or part of a relationship. Sex toys should no longer be thought of as shameful, but as valuable tools to improve our sexual lives.

My Life

by Jason

As I die,
I want to be able to look back on my life,
And say,
My life was its own reason for being.

I want,
To know that every breath had a purpose
And that
The purpose was self-chosen and self-consecrated.

Never,
Shall my life be a means to another’s ends,
To be
Used and discarded for their purposes.

My life,
My beautiful, precious life, is mine alone.
It is,
All that I am, and I will make it great.

mr. deity

by Jason

For those of you who want to understand the god of the bible better and the story behind the book of books, I present you with mr. deity.

(Warning: not for those afflicted with faith.)

Objectivism and Sexuality

by Jason

On Sunday I delivered my first public philosophy lecture on sexuality to the Ohio Objectivist Society (OOS). The title of the talk was "Objectivism and Sexuality: an Inquiry into the Underlying Operations". All in all, I think the talk went very well. The group had some good questions afterword and we spent some time talking about sexuality.

There should be video of the speech on YouTube in the next week or so. Once it's up, I'll update this post with the links.

Anyone wanting a PDF copy of the speech can leave a comment with their e-mail. The speech is copyrighted by me and I ask that if you do ask for one, that you not duplicate it or pass it to others.

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Objectivism and Sexuality

An Inquiry into the Underlying Operations

“Tell me what a man finds sexually attractive
and I will tell you his entire philosophy of life.
Show me the woman he sleeps with
and I will tell you his valuation of himself."
~Ayn Rand

In order to understand why Ayn Rand thought this, and why she is right about it, we need to first understand how sexual attraction works. For too long sex has been thought to be impervious to reason and completely outside the province of our understanding. Happily, however, this is not the case. In this essay we are going to endeavor to understand the nature of sexuality and its operation. By the time we conclude our analysis, we shall be able to fully understand why Ayn Rand thought that one could discern a man’s entire philosophy from his sexual attractions and activities.

Recovering Religionists

by Jason

In case you've been religious for a while and you need help extricating yourself from the layers of irrationality, a new group "Recovering Religionists" is here to help. Check out their description below and their website: www.recoveringreligionists.com

(via Dawkins)

------------------------------------

If you are one of the millions of people who have determined that religion no longer has a place in your life, this may be the right spot for you. Many people love the social support they get from religion, but can’t deal with all the crazy ideas they are required to espouse. It can be difficult to leave a religion because family and culture put so much pressure on us to stay and pretend to believe. If this is you, we want to help you find your way out. We are Recovering Religionists™, people who have given religion our best shot but just can’t bring ourselves to believe in virgin births, resurrections, 2000 year old miracles and the “power of prayer.” We are recovering Baptists, Mormons, Catholics, Jehovah Wittnesses, Hindus, Moslems, Lutherans, Pentecostals, Evangelicals, and more.

Leaving religion is full of potential problems, both emotional and practical. How do you tell your elderly parents? How does it affect your marriage? How do you break the news to your religious friends and what if it disrupts the friendship? How to deal with child rearing issues? Who can I talk to about my feelings without being told, “You just need more faith.” Like you just need to be a little more gullible. Recovering from Religion talks about all these and more. If getting out of religion is your concern, RR can probably help.

Evolving Planet

by Megan

This past weekend I visited the Field Museum in Chicago, and I particularly enjoyed the "Evolving Planet" exhibition, which has been in the museum since 2006. I was amused by the fact that anyone who wanted to see most of the dinosaur skeletons that the museum owns was forced to walk through the first part of the exhibition, in which the origins of life on the planet are explored scientifically and rationally (i.e., not religiously). This meant that creationists who wanted to see dinosaurs were forced to at least walk past signs explaining evolution and evidence for evolution in the form of fossils. I thought that this was brilliant on the part of the museum, and also hilarious to watch. Some parents pushed their children quickly through that part of the exhibition, refusing to let them stop and look at anything. I heard one mother explain this to her confused daughter by saying, "Mommy doesn't like this exhibit." I also heard some poor fool wonder, "If evolution is true, how come our arms aren't as strong as monkeys' arms?" Of course, while the comments and behavior were funny, they were also quite disturbing. It is sad to see what is left of a human mind warped by faith.

One thing that I didn't like about the exhibition, although I wholly expected it, was their choice to end it with a call for species conservation. In total, the exhibition included descriptions of six mass extinctions in earth's history. A mass extinction occurs when a large number of species suddenly become extinct in a relatively small amount of time. Whenever such an extinction occurred, the end of some species meant new opportunity for other species: just as is the case with individual organisms, life and death were closely connected. As I went through the exhibition, I realized that mass extinctions are neither bad nor good; they are simply change. After all, if it were not for the mass extinction of the dinosaurs, mammals that eventually evolved into humans would not have been able to flourish. However, the exhibition ended by stating that we are currently in the midst of mass extinction number six as a result of human activity on the planet, such as deforestation and pollution. Suddenly, 'mass extinction' went from meaning 'something natural that leads to opportunities for some species even as it leads to the extinction of others' to meaning 'something evil that humans do.' It seems strange to me that the same phenomenon would be evil when it results from the actions of one particular species and neutral or perhaps even good when it results from other causes. Of course, it would be one thing to argue that as humans we are threatening our own survival and therefore we must change our behavior in order to continue to survive as a species, but that was not the argument; rather, the claim was that mass extinction itself is suddenly bad because humans are involved.

Another minor problem with the exhibition was the language it used to describe natural selection. Although there was a clear explanation of the workings of natural selection, later in the exhibition natural selection suddenly seemed to become an agent rather than simply a process. For example, natural selection was said to "choose" certain traits, and at one point a species was described as being "engineered for" a certain purpose. It would be much clearer and more accurate to simply say that certain traits increased the chance of survival and reproduction in an organism's environment.

Overall, though, I thought the exhibition was fantastic. It provided fascinating information about the origins and evolution of life on earth even to those who wished to close their own and their children's ears to knowledge. It made me feel incredibly lucky and delighted to be alive, and to be human.

Responses to the Ideal

by Megan

There are two common ways to respond to portrayals or actualizations of the ideal in some area of human endeavor: we can either be intimidated, or inspired. For example, an amateur runner might see a professional athlete run at a speed that is far beyond the amateur’s abilities and react by feeling despondent about her own running skills, perhaps even resenting the professional runner for making her feel bad about herself. Or, the amateur runner could respond by admiring the professional runner and using the image of the professional runner to inspire her to push herself harder in her own workouts. Certainly the second reaction seems much healthier and more productive than the first.

Unfortunately, most people in the U.S. seem to be intimidated rather than inspired when they encounter portrayals and actualizations of the ideal. Any literature, film or advertisement that portrays an idealized person or character is quickly condemned as unrealistic and even oppressive because it negatively affects the self esteem of people who think they could never rise up to that level of excellence. When computer programs are used to idealize the bodies of models, for example, people respond with anger because they feel that young women and men will feel inadequate when they compare themselves to those models. (Of course, in some cases the supposed “ideal” that is portrayed is not a healthy body, which means it is not really an ideal.) When heroes or even just people who more or less have their lives together are portrayed in film, they are condemned as unrealistic, while the characters who bumble around failing at simple tasks and succeeding only by luck are considered realistic and therefore better. Similarly, people in workplaces and schools who seem to be happy and in control of their lives are resented for being “too perfect,” and others spend time trying to prove that the “perfect” people have flaws so that they no longer have to think about an intimidating ideal.

What is behind this cultural impulse to be intimidated rather than inspired by portrayals and actualizations of the ideal? I think that it is a combination of a lack of confidence in our own abilities and a lack of interest in achieving good things. Moving oneself closer to an ideal in any area of endeavor is no quick or easy process; it requires a lot of hard work and dedication, which many people are unwilling to choose instead of spending yet another evening sitting in front of the television. Further, some people are just satisfied with getting themselves through the day, and whether or not they have achieved anything of significance is not important to them. When the ideal is something that one is uninterested in achieving or too lazy to achieve, its presence or portrayal serves as a painful reminder that there is more in life to be achieved than one has presently gained. Therefore, one resents the ideal for being so much better than oneself.

If you find yourself intimidated by the portrayal of a genuine ideal, ask yourself why that ideal intimidates you. Is it something that you want to achieve, but you think you cannot? Are you too lazy to expend the effort to achieve ideals, or have you given up on achievement entirely in favor of the path of least resistance? Only when we ask ourselves these difficult questions can we become healthy people who are inspired to take one step closer to achieving our ideals when we encounter others who are brave and dedicated enough to achieve their own.

Another Failure of Religion

by Jason

In case we need another example of the irrationality of religion, let's take a look at this new study: "More Religious and Devout Young Women Have Abortions (Despite being Educated in Religious Schools)." Now, obviously the irrationality that I mean is that abstinence-only education does not work! These women have been indoctrinated to believe that their bodies are shameful and dirty, that sex is sin, and that human pleasure is the surest path to damnation in their hell. They are then told that they should suppress their natural sexual urges, without being educated about birth control, disease prevention, or the proper role of sex in life. Of course, they then go out and have sex and become pregnant, since no one has ever taught them about birth control! Since sex is the ultimate human shame and pregnancy would betray the fact that they are sexually active, they have abortions to hide the evidence.

Frankly, no one should be surprised by the findings. I also suspect that STD rates are higher among those who receive abstinence-only education since they would not be as likely to practice proper condom usage.

The only curious thing is how some people can think that religion is not anathema to human life. The evidence is abundant.

(via Dawkins)

The Map of Human Sexuality

by Jason

I recently came across the "Map of Human Sexuality," which is a large poster that details pretty much every human sexual activity and fantasy. If you're thinking that that's quite a lot, you're right. In fact, there were some on there that I had never even heard of! It appears that people can be aroused by almost anything.

Here's a low-res picture of the map:

[link]

If you like it, it's available for sale on their website: Map of Human Sexuality. I know that I'm going to be getting one!

Objectivist Blog Carnival

Welcome to the June 4, 2009 edition of the Objectivist Round Up!

This is the second time Erosophia has hosted and we're really excited to be hosting this week. For those of you who do not know, Objectivism is the Philosophy of Ayn Rand. When asked one time to explain it "while standing on one foot", she said Objectivism is:

1. Metaphysics: Objective Reality
2. Epistemology: Reason
3. Ethics: Self-Interest
4. Politics: Capitalism

Enjoy this week's Carnival!

Burgess Laughlin presents Seek Exaltation or Glory? posted at Making Progress, saying, "Earlier posts examined the meaning of exaltation and its opposite, humility. Two topics remain. The first is distinguishing two feelings often mistakenly conflated; and the second is deciding whether an individual should strive for either of the two feelings as a life-structuring goal."

Exalted presents Morality Of Rational Egoism Required For Exalted Moments posted at Exalted Moments, saying, "For what reason should one want to achieve or experience an exalted moment? For the sake of God? For the sake of others (society, the state, other individuals)? For the sake of range-of-the-moment subjective whim?"

Amy Mossoff presents TV posted at The Little Things, saying, "Inspired by Rational Jenn's "On Children, Television, and Freedom in General," I give my own thoughts about television as a value for both children and adults."

Jared Rhoads presents The Lucidicus Project - Editorials posted at The Lucidicus Project, saying, "Jared Rhoads from The Lucidicus Project says that officials should stop coming up with "solutions" that socialize medicine further, and instead repeal the existing controls. In a word, we need de-socialization."

Kelly Elmore presents Parenting Principle: Only Make Limits They Show You They Need posted at Reepicheep's Coracle.

Monica presents Forbidden Fruits posted at FA-RM, saying, "Learn how the USDA actively makes fresh vegetables more expensive, while subsidizing junk food with your tax dollars."

Ari Armstrong presents Credit Controls Punish Responsible posted at FreeColorado.com, saying, "Federal credit card controls punish the responsible to reward the irresponsible."

Edward Cline presents The Doomsayers posted at The Rule of Reason, saying, "President Barack Obama has implied more than once that the current system of “capitalism“ is doomed in the face of his intended "reorganization" of American society -- oblivious to the fact that full-scale, unregulated capitalism has never existed in this country or anywhere else in the world."

Paul McKeever presents The Palace of Darkness: Brainless Body Meets Brain in a Jar posted at Paul McKeever, saying, "this one's about Post Shredded Wheat's new palaceoflight.com micro-series, and how it presents us with a false dichotomy in terms of the determination of values...Shredded Ethics."

Ryan Krause presents Wise Words from Governor Daniels posted at The Money Speech, saying, "The Governor of Indiana gives engineering grads some pretty good advice."

Miranda Barzey presents What is Good Choreography? posted at Ramen & Rand, saying, "What makes a dance piece good? It's not just random movements thrown together; there is rhyme and reason. Good choreography requires thought behind it."

Brian Phillips presents Ticking Off My Neighbors posted at Houston Property Rights, saying, "On Saturday I received a letter from the City of Houston stating that an application had been received to designate my subdivision as a "Prohibited Yard Parking Requirement Area". If the designation is awarded, anyone who parks a car in their yard will be subject to fines of $150 per day. I have filed a protest regarding the designation."

Daniel presents Must See JW Waterhouse Exhibition posted at The Nearby Pen, saying, "Are you a fan of late 19th century art? If so, you'll probably want to see this JW Waterhouse exhibit."

Gus Van Horn presents Public Funding vs. Education posted at Gus Van Horn, saying, "Freedom is of a piece, and violating part of it eventually endangers all of it."

Jim May presents One Liberty, Indivisible posted at The New Clarion.

Mike Zemack presents Obama's $2 Trillion Extortion Scheme posted at Principled Perspectives.

Adam Reed presents The Ayn Rand Center still needs quality control posted at Born to Identify, saying, "While individual Objectivists may well collaborate productively with non-Objectivist organizations on specific projects without appearing to endorse their ideologies, the Ayn Rand Center effectively lends Ayn Rand's name to organizations with whom it is seen to collaborate."

Diana Hsieh presents Dissertation: Finis! posted at NoodleFood, saying, "After two years of difficult work, I have submitted my philosophy dissertation on the problem of moral luck to my committee! Hooray!

That concludes this edition. Submit your blog article to the next edition of objectivist round up using our carnival submission form.

Past posts and future hosts can be found on our blog carnival index page.

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